Last 100 days of 2024
I was wondering what should I do with these last 100 days of 2024. So then in the most random way it struck me, maybe I can write one positive thought (or some thought) I can think of even though I might be drowning in my worst existential crisis. So here we go.
You don’t have to read it all. I needed to write this article more for myself than anyone else.
And as for you, scroll and read any random one you wish to read today.. and maybe come back later on if you ever feel the need to.
Let’s go!
23rd Sep, 2024
Last week of the month is usually very testing. Targets, performance, etc. I miss the simple pleasure of reading a good book without worrying about review calls and meetings. It becomes so chaotic sometimes that you end up either caring too much or not at all. But the feeling of pausing in the middle of a busy day and looking around accepting things as they are, gives you a certain sense of acknowledgement that things are, we are, people are. I am. It’s a weird feeling.
24th Sep, 2024
Little things like listening to a new song and it instantly becoming your favorite truly can light up your day. Listen to Vienna by Billy Joel if you haven’t.
25th Sep, 2024
Sometimes, people are always rude. Pity such people who have to live with themselves. I wonder how tragic their thoughts might be that they are constantly fighting with the world… and maybe even with themselves. I think one of the most satisfying feelings in the world is being able to make someone else’s day feel a little less heavy. Someone else can be yourself, your family, friends or even colleagues.
26th Sep, 2024
I don’t feel my best self today. I feel I am not enough. I feel everyone else is doing better than me.. and honestly, this thought is making me restless. But I know this feeling is temporary. I know I don’t have to hit myself for feeling this way. I think sleeping early today might help me. Sleeping always helps.
27th Sep, 2024
It makes me anxious how uncertain and unpredictable life is. Not knowing what the future holds makes me restless and feel scared. I read on the internet that such unpredictability makes life more fun and beautiful. And I agree. But not always. It also makes the present look gloomy. It makes one go to bed with tears in their eyes. And on such days, living one day at a time helps.
28th Sep, 2024
I got new books today. Two came in yesterday. It brightened up my day instantly! I was so happy today. 100% recommend placing an order of whatever you’ve been eyeing for a long time.
29th Sep, 2024
Cancel plans and stay at home. Read a book. Watch a movie. Sleep for an extra hour. Especially if it’s a Sunday..
30th Sep, 2024
Hard truths hit you in the most random and subtle way. You can’t predict people. Everybody is selfish. Me. You. Them. Their ethics, their behavior, their way of thinking. You don’t know the person you think you know. So when you put your trust and faith in someone and they wrong you, don’t beat yourself down. We don’t even know ourselves.. what our next move would be.. what would our take be one certain situation.. how would we react.. etc. Life goes on 🙂
(Some context.. no, no one wronged me. I finished reading a dystopian novel, Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica, a few moments ago.. hence.. lol)
1st Oct, 2024
An understanding family is my biggest strength. I live in peace even when I am angry/frustrated because they hold their calm when I lose mine. My restless behavior often makes me lose my mind. My anxious nature makes me want to scream in silence. But then these people I live with, they are the sweetest people I can ever ask for. None of us are perfect. We have our own flaws and shortcomings. But we work on ourselves. We adjust, we let go many times without counting, and we try to improve for others.
2nd Oct, 2024
Midweek holidays are the BEST. Nothing compares to this break. I did nothing today..
3rd Oct, 2024
I was listening to songs the whole day. But this one lyric stuck to me randomly later in the evening today. It goes like “Just close your eyes. You’ll be alright.” And so I did, and I felt a moment of peace. After a long but productive day, a deep breath with eyes closed and smiling at nothing makes so much of a difference.
4th Oct, 2024
Texting someone first doesn’t mean you are being desperate. Asking someone to join you for dinner doesn’t mean you are desperate. Explaining to someone why you need a certain thing does not make you desperate!
Why are people always afraid to look desperate? Who cares? It’s only you who does. It’s only in your head. And even if they do find you desperate, they will forget about it the next hour. They have their own desperate things to take care of. So take your chances and do your thing. You never know, it might turn out to be in your favor. And if it doesn’t, then maybe the time isn’t right. Blame it on timings.
5th Oct, 2024
I received one of the best compliments today. It was about my blog and the line I wrote to describe myself – ‘A finance girl trapped inside Plath’s mind and Camus’ world. Both these people, all three infact, are/were not sad people.. but they have their own doubts and troubles about finding a place in this world. Or a reason to why we exist altogether. Whenever I am having a tough day, words help me relax. And I am sure it does the same for you too. Be it in the form of reading a few nice lines, writing a few sad ones or talking a few comforting words to yourself. So.. in case you are having a tough day, here are a few words for you – “we’re all just walking each other home.”
6th Oct, 2024
Simple, small, random and unexpected compliments can brighten up somebody’s day. Why don’t you try one today? I received one today and I feel like I am on the top of the world haha.
7th Oct, 2024
“The street seemed even quieter than usual. Hushed, like it’s remembering something.” This is a quote from my current read ‘The Last House on Needless Street”. The image of a calm evening somewhere in the world makes me smile on a chaotic day. Funny thing imagination is. How only by visualizing something good we smile. We have no clue if it is real or not but here we are believing that somewhere it is real.
8th Oct, 2024
I overheard a conversation on the train today. These two college girls standing next to me were talking about their situationships. Why have we complicated relationships so much? I still don’t understand this term – Situationship. And all the other terms that come along with this one. Isn’t love supposed to be simple? It is as we are.
But wait, we are complicated. Ahhh! Anyway.. I hope when love finds you, it is as simple and beautiful as a sunrise. I hope it is thrilling and it makes you giggle like a teenager again 🙂
9th Oct, 2024
I don’t remember if anything happened today. The day just passed by.. blurred out. Does this happen with you too?
10th Oct, 2024
A very random conversation I had at the office today with one of my colleagues. I was having my mid-week blues around 3 PM post lunch. My laptop had stopped working and I was standing on our IT officer’s head asking him to fix the problem. A colleague of mine was passing by and she asked me “how is life?” and I blurted out “difficult today.. atleast for now”.
And she said “it’s like we are all like Sisyphus from Greek Mythology”. “OMG yes hahaha.. and maybe we are happy with our routine”. “But we aren’t”. “Right.. we are not”. “We aren’t Sisyphus then. Anyway.. see you around, bye.”
How random is this conversation that a colleague comes and says we are all Sisyphus .. or maybe we aren’t. It gets me everytime on how random everything is. How does the word still function with all this randomness? Anyway, the IT person wasn’t able to fix the problem, so I left for home early eventually.
11th Oct, 2024
It’s Friday. And I will be reading and sleeping this evening. Enough work for the week. Bye.
12th Oct, 2024
“maan se raavan jo nikale, ram uske mann me hai”
I read this quote as an instagram caption on somebody’s story as the first thing in the morning today. And I want to remember this one.
13th Oct, 2024
I had a very weird day today. But anyway, I went for a play by Lakhsh Maheshwari on Laila Majnu. Now, if you know me, you know how big of a fan I am of this story and of Lakhsh Maheshwari. So I had to go for this show. And man did he take us all to a road we hardly knew about. My head’s still spinning from all the new information I’ve learned today. More on this sooner. But I have to tell you about this particular line which gave me goosebumps –
“Khusrau darya prem ka, ulti wa ki dhaar,
Jo utra so doob gaya, jo dooba so paar.”
Meaning
“Oh Khusrau, the river of love
Runs in strange directions.
One who jumps into it drowns,
And one who drowns, gets across.”
The one who is all in, the one who submits oneself to love, gets through. Jo dooba, so paar. One, who even if are afraid but jumps, will get through. Those who constantly work towards what they love the most are the ones who will succeed.
So, I will leave you today with a question.. is your love burning so passionately that you are ready to jump and take your chances?
14th Oct to 18th Oct, 2024
You often look forward to something to survive today. For instance, I look forward to celebrating my friend’s bachelorette over the weekend which is getting me through this week. What are you looking forward to? One of these days, the moon shone so bright.. everything seemed magical.. I felt peace and I smiled at nothing and everything.
19th – 25th Oct, 2024
Every once in a while, you need a small break with people you feel home with. It re-energises you. It calms you. I was out with my bunch of friends whom I met only because we share a common interest of reading books. If it weren’t for books, none of us might have ever crossed paths. How different our lives would have been. Just to think of it fascinates me.
Anyway, short breaks. For once, no work calls, no worrying about home chores. There are stories exchanged, there are memories made. We visit some past doors and feel nostalgic and we knock a few doors we shut to never visit again. We all need that. When you find yourself here, take a moment and go quote to take it all in.
Let this be your core memory because it will help you float your boat when you need it the most.
26th Oct, 2024
Today was difficult. I saw a dear friend’s life shatter within minutes. Life is unfair and I feel so angry and helpless. How unpredictable is life. All you have is today. There is no point holding grudges. Everyone is living their own life.
27th Oct to 2nd Nov, 2024
Festive weeks are so different. People are overworked but excited. Everyone is dressed up but are doing their routine work. The week went by and I didn’t even realize. Some amount of existential crisis keeps seeping in once in a while though. I haven’t been at my finest since last week. Life doesn’t really make sense.
Everything is so random and unnecessary. All we can do is dance in the rhythm life directs us towards. To make it any better, we can pretend to play along and enjoy the dance. The only consolation is that we are having a good time. But does this always help? Of course not. How often do we have bad days? Days when we feel at our lowest. Days when we discover a new low. Day when we feel insignificant. On days like these.. I sleep. In case you are feeling the same shit, take a step back and let the world move on while you take a good nap.
Wake up the next day, introspect and decide what you want to do next. What is to happen.. will happen anyway.. and nothing will stay. The good days and bad days. Good people and people we don’t get along well with. Our feelings, emotions and thoughts to run somewhere far away. They are all temporary and on a rotation. They will visit you again, but for today.. visit one at a time.
3rd to 5th Nov, 2024
“When you understand that every opinion is a vision loaded with personal history, you will begin to understand that all judgment is a confession” – Nikola Tesla
6th Nov, 2024
Sometimes, you meet people you met 6-7 years ago in ways you never thought you might meet. Infact, you never thought you might even meet. Cryptic, I know. I’ll keep it cryptic for now. Hahah. Anyway, in moments like this, do you ever find yourself in a scenario where everything blurs out and you look at the moment from a 3rd person POV? Do you? Or am I mad? Because I do. And it felt perfect, as if this moment was meant to be. There is nothing weird or random in it.
But at the same time, it is weird because my brian is always ready with a sword to scream on the top of its voice that everything infact is random. But this moment does not feel random. AHHHH! I am going to let things be and not overthink.
9th Nov, 2024
Read Metamorphosis by Kafka today and I need some time off everything. This one messes with your head when you know too much about the author’s life.
10th to 14th Nov, 2024
Getting out of the comfort zone is so easy. One step is all it takes.
15th to 17th Nov, 2024
Favorite time of the year! Lit LIVE has always been my favorite festival to attend. So many talks to attend, plays/performances to watch, strangers to meet and of course, books to talk about. This year, luckily, I got a chance to attend for atleast one play/performance everyday. And I cannot be more thankful! This year, I’ve grown a newfound love for gigs and theater.
The artist/performances.. I don’t understand how they find the courage to be on stage and perform their art. It fascinates me. I absolutely applaud their strength to put themselves out there and offer us a piece of what they have created.
Maybe someday I will have this strength. Maybe I might keep waiting for this ‘someday’ to arrive until the end of times (which is a scary thought wow). I need to do something.
18th to 23rd Nov, 2024
Someone told me that her nani, whom she lost many many years ago, came in her dreams and told her something related to her woe, and that shook her. I had goosebumps. How did she know? What does that mean? Is she really around, guiding her? Or did her imagination take some sort of manifestation into the person she was once so close to.. to hear what she deep down know?
We all have lost someone to death. And it’s impossible to make sense of this event. Where do they go? How do they feel after they breathe their final breath? Do you have any idea that this is it? What are their final thoughts? What do they want to say but aren’t able to?
There is an endless list of questions. The ones who live, live with a certain sense of void once they leave.
I still think and dream about my dada. IF only he was still around. I miss him. He would have been happy to see how his family is doing.
This subject always scares and fascinates me. How mysterious is it that we have no answer and only theories. How scary it is that it takes away what you treasure the most once and for all, without a warning. Thinking about it, I feel humble with a certain sense of being that I am. Or am I?
Also Read: https://kinjalparekh.in/to-the-ones-we-have-lost/
24th to 29th Nov, 2024
Storytime. Back in 2022 when I went to Jaipur for Jaipur Literature Festival, I met someone via a friend of mine, who now is my friend. One former friend I mentioned about, we hardly talk now. But this new person I met, Garima, we meet once in a while. Mostly twice or thrice a year mostly at some event/show happening in Mumbai.
And when we meet, we talk little about books and a lot about life. It’s always refreshing meeting her. And again, we wouldn’t have known each other if it wasn’t for books. She hosts one of the best book-clubs I’ve ever been a part of and it is something I look forward to everytime.
When I met her today, she said, “I needed the bookclub more than it needed me”. And I hear her. I needed to write this blog article more than it needed me. Every night, it has now become a ritual to pen down the thoughts I am drowning in. There are nights when I go blank. I force myself to think about the course of day I had. It helps my letters in my head calm down as they take the form of words I try to communicate with myself.. or maybe you.
Point being, books and writing help me be on my feet. What is the same equivalent for you?
30th to 4th Dec, 2024
Month end. New month. Same old, same old. Routine. Update numbers. Were you better than last month? Nope. What now? It is what it is. Cover up in December.
5th Dec, 2024
Here we go again. It’s happening.. the same old feeling is creeping back in. The feeling that you are insufficient. The feeling when you feel like you aren’t doing enough. This feeling eats me up. I want to do so much more. I want to do everything. Why am I not doing everything?! I want to make better finance videos. I want to work more in the literary side of the world. I want to study and get those certificates and degrees I am eyeing. I want to improve my website and increase viewership. I want to learn performance marketing. This, that, and all that. HOW am I supposed to ask my brian to shut up when all these voices talk to me collectively asking me why haven’t I done all of these things. No, don’t ask me to prioritize things. I have already done that which is why I am only doing so and so as I am today. I want to be more efficient. I want to create more. And I hate this feeling of not being enough. It makes me want to cry. God why am I ranting here. This is supposed to be a ‘look at the better side’ post. I want to be everything.
6th – 7th Dec, 2024
I know, I had a breakdown yesterday. Some days are just harder than other days. The good news is, they pass by. The bad news is, it feels like forever. Anyway, forever has ended and I have a fun book event to look forward to this weekend.
8th Dec, 2024
I went to the Crossword Book Awards today. It was a beautiful evening. A hall full of inspiring people. People I would want to spend my days with. Writers, readers, bloggers, speakers, organisers, managers, camera production, publishers, marketers.
When Karthik Muralidharan, author of Accelerating India’s Development, was receiving his award for best Business & Management Category, he said, “Even though I am the only one receiving this award, it takes a village to write a book”.
9th to 13th Dec, 2024
December brings in such an uncanny feeling. Taking tally of the year gone by. What what and who’s who. It is overwhelming but also exciting. I think December this year has been one of my best months reading wise. And how is it mid-month already? The year felt like a month. It passed by. Just like this week, where did the time go??
14 Dec, 2024
I went down for a walk today after a long long time. Almost after seven months. Procrastination and laziness had joined me on my bed, nothing else. After first few rounds, it slowly came back to me how much I missed this time of the day. Something really cute happened today and I hope I never forget this moment.
After almost 45 minutes of walking, I see a elder sister holding hands of her younger sister, a five year old maybe? When she looked at me, she couldn’t stop looking at me with her cute little smile and hopeful eyes. What was she seeing, I wonder now..? And as I kept walking, she turned and turned and kept looking. I swear she made me so beautiful even though I wasn’t even wearing my khol lol. What did she see? What was she thinking when she looked at me for so long?
And then when I smiled wide looking at her, she waved at me. And I waved back. And her elder sister was so confused I could tell.
To that little girl, you looked like a dream in your pastel pink and green dress and those tiny tiny shoes… maybe I will never know who you grow up to be. But I hope you grow up to be whatever you want to be. And if you want to be everything like I do, then so be it. I was enchanted to meet you.
15th to 19th Dec, 2024
Fights. I hate them. HATE. Why do you want to fight when things can be solved by talking/arguing? Just another day at corporate.
20th Dec, 2024
Traditions. Ever since I’ve started working, playing Secret Santa at the workplace has been my favorite work tradition. The excitement you see in everyones’ eyes when they unwrap their gifts is unmatched!
And it always surprises me how we banter among ourselves for work but celebrate festivals so whole-heartedly. We humans are so easy to please. A small gesture is all it takes. But it takes every ounce of calling to make that small gesture.
A handwritten note along with your gift, adding some sweet surprises in the bag full of goodies, customised gifts, taking efforts to stalk the one you are supposed to gift. I love playing Secret Santa!
This year, I received a very beautiful hardcover edition of Murakami’s Norwegian Wood. And the Christmas lunch with your colleagues has unmatched energy. I think this was the best lunch-time I’ve spent this year. I laughed till my cheeks started hurting.
20th Dec, 2024
Traditions. Ever since I’ve started working, playing Secret Santa at the workplace has been my favorite work tradition. The excitement you see in everyones’ eyes when they unwrap their gifts is unmatched!
And it always surprises me how we banter among ourselves for work but celebrate festivals so whole-heartedly. We humans are so easy to please. A small gesture is all it takes. But it takes every ounce of calling to make that small gesture.
A handwritten note along with your gift, adding some sweet surprises in the bag full of goodies, customised gifts, taking efforts to stalk the one you are supposed to gift. I love playing Secret Santa!
This year, I received a very beautiful hardcover edition of Murakami’s Norwegian Wood. And the Christamas lunch with your colleagues has unmatched energy. I think this was the best lunch-time I’ve spent this year. I laughed till my cheeks started hurting.
21st to 24th Dec, 2024
Late in the night when you are alone in your room, lights off, city lights are the only source of light in your room, how do you feel? Alone? Happy? At peace? A feeling that feels like now? Do you miss someone? I do. Someone. It’s hard to get through such days at times. It feels like a castle crumbling down.. the one you built in your dreams.. it never was a reality. Yet the feeling of it crumbling is so real that you feel it in your guts. But it doesn’t make you cry. Mostly because you already have cried so much that your brain is just as fine as it was.
But to think of the passion you might have felt for one person in the past to feel so broken in the present, it must be something. It was something. It was wholesome and VERY random. Which brings me back to my same old lullaby, life is random. Because there is no other explanation other than this to why we met.
25th Dec, 2024
Imagine living your childhood amidst a war-torn country. What you are imagining is somebody’s reality today. I finished reading a very heartbreaking graphic novel – Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi today. It’s Satrapi’s memoir on the political and cultural evolution of Iran through her eyes.
This year I’ve read quite a few war-linked or riot based books like The Book Thief, Funny Boys, At Night All Blood is Black, Mornings in Jenin – and all these books have made me cry like a baby. No one deserves so much pain. It makes me so angry and restless at how helpless I get while reading this. How I am not able to do anything to make their lives better.
Words like ‘justice’, ‘fairness’, ‘hope’ are nothing but fancy words we use to get through life. Someone who lost her father in a bombing, someone who wanted to study but girls were banned from going to school, someone who lost their lives worrying about the future of their children.. they know these words mean nothing. I so wish that there is some alternate universe better than the one we live in.
26th to 28th Dec, 2024
As the year-end is closing by, I am starting to feel more anxious. And ofcourse, I am, like everyone else, taking a tour back on how 2024 has been. It has been like a Sunday afternoon where time stops and everything is happy and blue. I hear the waves crashing on the shore and sand swirling underneath it doing its routine dance. It has been like a late night adventure where when you come back home, the gates are locked and so you jump the gates anyway.
2024 was like being eighteen for me. I felt like a teenager. I have never felt so lost, found and seen as much as I did this year. I think I might as well say that this has been my favorite year.
The one where I finally went to my first music concept, one where I fell in love with theatre, one where I was so starstruck on how fiction can be a reality. The one where I read a few of the amazing books and have fallen in love with those fictional characters. And some real ones too.
This also has been a year where I understood what ‘existential crisis’ means. Mostly because I lived it for the better part of the second half of this year. Its scary. You lose all hope. You don’t understand anything. Least of all, you start to question if it even matters that you are alive. What’s scarier is when your inner self answers with a no. Man I don’t want to go down that road right now atleast.
How I wish I could meet Sylvia Plath to discuss this woe of mine. I know she’d understand what I want to say.
29th & 30th Dec, 2024
Someone asked me.. “What are your new year plans?”
“I’ll sleep early”
“Whyyy noo”
“Hahaha. What are your plans?”
“Nothing”
“…”
31st Dec, 2024
Working on the last day of the year should be illegal. I took a new article live today sharing my TOP 10 books I/ve read this year. Trust me, all these books will bring in some posit shift inside you – MY TOP 10 BOOKS
All I see on instagram today are sad quotes about how 2024 wronged someone, about how they want to run away from 2024 and how they look forward to the next year. My only problem is, I see this every year. How can every year not be your year?
For me, 2024 was as good as it could be.. And I can live it all over again if I had a chance. It wasn’t glorious or something. But how-so-ever the days were, they were my days. I was responsible for them being good or bad. I take with me stories on which I will laugh and cry tomorrow. Few stories which I’ve lived, a few which I read, and a few which my friends shared whenever we met.
Anyway, I don’t want to make this look like a TedX post lol, I’ll read a book, study and sleep early.
Good night. See you soon? 🙂
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