The stranger, the strangeness & the absurd conversation
“Why do we exist? What’s the point of it all? What are we doing here?”
Life is random. In the last few months, I feel like I am trapped inside Plath’s mind where I want to be everything at once. When I am desperately looking for something. Or someone. I don’t know what or whom. But there is a constant feeling of restlessness. But at the same time, I feel indifferent. None of this matters. There is absolutely no point in anything. It’s like living in an absurd world. A world where Meursault lived. A world which Albert Camus wrote about with passion.
On 17th June, a random day as it was, I was talking to one of my wisest friends where we casually started questioning our existence. No, it wasn’t a rant. We were genuinely discussing the topic, trying to understand as patiently as we could – why are we here? I’ll add this chat we had at the end of this blog post. For now, I have so much more to say.
Fast-forward to 30th June, Sunday. I was reading Albert Camus’ The Stranger. Once I finished reading it, it kinda messed up with my head. I read about Meursault. A fellow who had accepted what none of us dare to accept i.e. life is meaningless. He was so frustrating yet so relatable.
This was his conclusion: “Everything is true, and nothing is true!”.
So as usual, my brain, as restless as it could be, couldn’t stop thinking what is true and what isn’t. And if truth is indeed false, then why are we pretending to be in-lines with the truth?
My alter personality immediately answered something I agreed to immediately.
It is because if we don’t pretend for the truth to be the truth, society would stop functioning. It will fall apart. There is no other answer. No other explanation. Pretending is a mutual understanding between us animals.
The truth is, society is threatened by people like Meursault. People like him have accepted that none of it matters. Would you dare accept it? I am not asking you to accept it for a day or a week. I am talking about a lifetime. You know you can’t. Meursault could because he was Camus’ imagination. A fiction. A lie. And the society never leaves an opportunity to put somebody in misery.
One question which I still can’t find an answer to is, was Meursault a Nihilist or an Existentialist?
Let’s dumb it down. Nihilist is a man who rejects all religions, principles, morals and believes that life is meaningless. Basically, they reject the idea of pretending. Society condemns such people because their ideologies are outside the ones they have defined. They can’t understand how anyone can live life without meaning. People can’t make any sense of Nihilists.
But the fun part is, a Nihilist doesn’t expect society to understand them either. They are, and so are others. The difference is, they have accepted that life is meaningless. They live.. and that terrifies people.
So where does Existentialism stand? Nihilist vs Existentialist
Existentialism says that even though life itself is absurd and meaningless, we can bring value into life. They accept the fact that life has no inherent meaning but they find freedom in that and carry themselves with a sense of purpose.
I am not trying to frame a Nihilist in a bad light or trying to favor Existentialist in a good light. Let’s break this down a little more.
A Nihilist might say that life is meaningless.. why even bother? Everything is pointless. There’s no point in trying. I’ll just fail anyway. Everyone is going to die anyway.
An Existentialist might say life may have no meaning, but I will create my own through my choices and actions. Failure is a part of life. Not my entire life. I will live with acceptance of what is and what isn’t. Anyways we are all going to die, why not smile and just be while we live?
To circle back to my original question, I still don’t know which one was Meursault living. Or if he was somewhere in the middle of the two, figuring out himself. Or maybe a little more inclined towards Existentialism.
I think everyone’s a little Meursault in today’s world.
So what happens when you don't play the game?
The game where you pretend that you have it all together. The game where you pretend that you have it all figured out. The game where you either throw expensive parties or attend grand parties. Parties where maybe sometimes you zone out to question things. But the next moment you might be having Jägerbomb shots. What happens when you refuse the game to have any kind of feelings?
The game of pretense.
The conversation ...
Now, the conversation I was talking about in the beginning of this blog post. I’ll leave you with it.
I hope you find a few answers for today. And tomorrow when you feel lost again, I hope you are happy atleast. To set some context, I had sent him a video about Sisyphus where Camus talked about absurdness and enjoying life even if it holds no meaning.
Here you go –
PS – “I mean the video was great and it’s a wonderful thought to not find meaning to life and enjoy the meaninglessness instead. But how will rationality allow that? My mind always questions my existence and the meaning of doing, laughing, working or just the simple act of being.”
PS – “I used to overthink a lot. But then when I couldn’t find answers, I’d get frustrated and I’ll stop thinking. But then, it hits sometime. And most of the time, it hits at parties or some social gatherings. It isn’t that I would consciously sit and think about it… it mostly is like an epiphany”
KP – “I agree with this. There has to be a meaning. But I also believe that life is very random. There cannot be one answer for everyone. But also, at the same time, life is very strategic as well. As in, one moment nothing will make sense, but when we look back, somehow the dots connect.”
KP – There is this quote from Forrest Gump –
“i don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floating around accidentally, like on a breeze. but I think maybe it’s both. maybe both are happening at the same time”
This made complete sense to me. Whenever I start asking the same questions, or start over-analysing everything, this quote helps me remain sane, atleast for that time. There is one more quote –
“after all, we’re all just walking each other home.”
It reminds me that I am not living for myself alone. My actions (said/unsaid and good/bad) have consequences over people around me. This quote also sometimes helps me calm down when I go around searching for answers to why we are here, what is my purpose, what am I doing, etc. Think about it. This quote somehow answers all your existential crisis related questions.”
So this was our conversation. When I finished reading The Stranger by Camus, it took me back. It had only been few days since I discussed existentialism with PS and here I was reading and questioning it to a greater degree. How is one to find the head or tail of this topic? Where does it start? And does it even end? When did we start questioning our existence? What triggers the first thought?
Does Camus have the answers to these absurd questions? There’s only one way to know. Read more and open yourself to the ‘gentle indifference of the world’. It makes life easier. It makes you feel lighter. You don’t have to carry all the trouble all alone on your shoulders. You don’t even have to share the trouble. Let trouble be. You don’t have to add it to your identity.
My point is… if nothing in life matters, then it shouldn’t matter that nothing matters.
I do not know who I am. I don’t know why I’m here. All I know is that I must be reading more books haha.
On the end note, The Stranger by Albert Camus is a good short book and you must read it 🙂
“Nothing, nothing mattered, and I knew why. So did he. Throughout the whole absurd life I’d lived, a dark wind had been rising toward me from somewhere deep in my future, across years that were still to come, and as it passed, this wind leveled whatever was offered to me at the time, in years no more real than the ones I was living.”
– Albert Camus, The Stranger
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